So the wait for the release of Chapter 20 is over and 48 hours have passed since it's release. I am still digesting the contents. All I could do until now, is imagine and read between the lines of the previously released parts.
I never for one moment expected to be faced with the revelations contained within it.
I never saw myself as a criminal worthy of such Garda interest.
I never believed that wanting to be acknowledged as a victim of clerical sexual abuse would warrant what turns out to be a witch hunt by the very people I expected to serve and protect me and my family.
I never thought for one moment that by threatening to make my experience public would cause such a stir that my phone would be tapped.
I never expected to be such a priority for the Gardai that an 'exhaustive investigation' would be undertaken into me and a close personal interest taken in me, by the Commissioner of the Irish Police force.
I never could have foreseen a time in my life when I would be the subject of a 'strongly worded' recommendation from the Gardai to the Director of Public Prosecutions, that I should be prosecuted for blackmail.
I never envisaged a system where a victim of crime is viewed as the perpetrator of crime in the eyes of the law.
I never imagined for one moment, that by telling the truth and trying to prevent others having similar experiences, I could land myself and my family in so much trouble with the authorities.
I never wanted to live in a country where doing the right thing was so wrong.
I never cease to be amazed how an organisation and culture can be influenced to the extent that all sense of morality, honesty and integrity plays second fiddle to deceit, cover-up and self preservation.
I never really wanted any of this to dominate my life for the past 37 years but these revelations have shocked, saddened and disappointed me beyond what I could have imagined. How many others have unwittingly been the subject of phone tapping and exhaustive investigation?....for doing the right thing.