Is patience always a virtue?

After 37 years of waiting and the degree of recent press exposure, I thought there would be a modicum of understanding from the Irish authorities toward my situation. I would class myself as a patient person in many ways. I always try to give the benefit of the doubt to others even when there is a voice somewhere within, telling me to do otherwise.

Since Patrick McCabe was sentenced on 22nd March, it has been a complete whirlwind of emotion and I have tried to underplay it as best I can in the interests of self preservation, selfishly. Everywhere I turn there are triggers. Some self inflicted because of running the petition and because triggers of past experiences are now part of my DNA.

I have been patient since I gave my first statement to Archbishop's House in 1977. I was patient when I saw my mother crying so often in pure frustration because she didn't know what to do for the best and there was no help or support for her. I was patient for the 10 year period from 2003-2013 whilst McCabe was extradited from the U.S. and brought to Justice. I was patient when the Irish authorities told me that there was nothing more could be done to prosecute my other abuser. I was patient throughout my 5 trips to Dublin (within a six month period) for the trial. I was patient when McCabe's plea was accepted by the Director of Public Prosecutions. I am now TRYING to be patient whilst waiting for Chapter 20 of the Murphy report to be released.

Lots of dates and numbers, lots of gaps and timelines. They don't mean very much to anyone except me. This has been my life. Of course I have had good times and I am tired of measuring moments in my life against abuse triggers such as arrest dates,extradition dates, court appearance dates, sentencing dates and scheduled dates for the release of Chapter 20. I was 12 when I was first abused. The day of my 50th birthday was spent travelling to Ireland for McCabe's sentencing. Unacceptable.

All I ever wanted was to believe that someone, somewhere, had my best interests at heart and what happened to me was wrong and it mattered. After all the fury and disgust displayed by the Catholic Church and the Irish Government over the past 10 years, someone would demonstrate that although I was a very small cog in a very large wheel, someone, somewhere cared.

However I feel the exact opposite.

I am proud to be Irish and although I live in Britain I will always be a proud Irishman. The funny thing is my pride is being eroded as time goes by and the feeling of abandonment becomes more apparent. I am not seeking any grand gestures, just acknowledgement of simple requests or at the very least acknowledgement of my existence.

I have written to the Justice Minister in Ireland on three occasions. I had a response to the first and no response to the last two. I am not jumping up and down demanding the impossible. I am requesting answers to simple questions and if they cannot be answered then just tell me or at least acknowledge that I have asked them. Please don't ignore me. Please don't ignore any of the victims of sexual abuse, especially now because all we hear is how things have changed. Really? ......Really?

I am patient, but after 37 years of patience and being ignored, I am getting tired of feeling unsupported, uncared for and worst of all an Irishman unimportant to Irish State.

Basically what I am trying to say is that every citizen of every country has a patriotic streak, to a greater or lesser extent and if a citizen wishes to ignore it - that's a choice. I however love Ireland and the Irish. The fact I am the product of my past is something for me to deal with, albeit painful.

I didn't choose to be Irish but am proud to be. It feels like I have been running away from it, crying about it or fighting it all my adult life. Insane as it may sound, I suppose I yearn for the day when I feel Ireland is proud of me. Something tells me that's the impossible dream. What I want to talk about is not some fictitious story from a dark and distant past, a past that lots of us would rather forget. Believe me, I would rather forget it, but my memories don't afford me that luxury.

I will not be making any further requests or asking any further questions of the Irish Government at this stage.

My email correspondence is shown below:

My first email to the Minister for Justice

My email asking for an earlier hearing -  Ignored

Asking for a 5 minute meeting with Mr Shatter -  Ignored

Thank you ALL!

Today we reached our goal of 1,000 signatures to the petition. Thank you to everyone who took time from their day to help. It's difficult to express gratitude except to say thank you and sometimes it's difficult to accept a thank you because we may feel it's undeserved. Looking through the list of people that have given me their support, there are of course names I recognise, past and present. There are also hundreds of people  I have never met.

It is quite overwhelming to see such real unconditional goodness in people. There are only a handful of us involved in chapter 20 but that has not been the issue for the hundreds of people from all over the world who have signed. Everyone has seen the principle at stake. The only gain is transparency and the wish of so many, including myself to determine what happened after I made my statements to the authorities 37 years ago.

A petition is no popularity contest, but as the figure increased, I couldn't help feeling the groundswell of support, through the signatures and the comments.It made me realise that the cause is real and it is important. It's not only important to me but it is important to many people, those involved in safeguarding children, survivors and victims, parents, carers and those who may have very little involvement with children but are heavily involved with the pursuit of an honest and open society.

Signing a petition doesn't take a lot of time but it takes a decision to do it. It's only one name but if people are interested and care enough about the subject ( or the person behind it ) then every single name is vitally important.

It is with heartfelt gratitude that I offer a 'THANK YOU' and all I ask in return is that it's proudly accepted. We achieved and surpassed our goal and every single one who cared had their part to play.

37 Year Wait - Update....

In Mid-April I sent an email to the Alan Shatter, Minister for Justice in Ireland, requesting an earlier hearing date for the release of chapter 20 of the Murphy Report. I received an email by return, acknowledging receipt, but nothing else. 

My petition for the release of chapter 20 is now at a crucial point - I now require just over 100 signatures to reach my target of 1,000. Those who have taken the time to sign include many friends, family and fellow survivors. I can not thank you enough. Given the lack of response from the Minister for Justice - I may now need the petition more than ever. If you can think of anyone you know who may want to sign it, please click HERE and spread the word!

My Facebook page has over 100 'likes' and so many of my friends and family have helped spread the word about my Murphy Report petition. Thank you everyone. I also now have over 200 followers on Twitter, many of whom have been great support. The moment I tweet something, there is a steady stream of retweets! It is so nice to know that there are people out there willing to help in any way they can. 

Last week, I had a very productive meeting with my local Member of Parliament, Edward Timpson, who also happens to be the Children's Minister here in the UK. He was incredibly helpful and supportive, and pledged to do all he could to help. He does a lot of work with the NSPCC, both locally and nationally, so I hope I can do something in return.

Thank you again to each and every one of you that have supported me in any way.

My online petition: Ireland - Release Chapter 20 of The Murphy Report

I now need just over 200 signatures to reach my target figure of 1,000. Signing will help me keep pressure on the Irish Government to release the final, censored chapter of the Murphy Report.

The criminal proceedings to which the contents of Chapter 20 refer, are now over. I can see no reason why this chapter should not now be released. I would like to know the reasons why justice has taken 37 years. 
Chapter 20 must be released.

Please CLICK HERE to sign my petition. If you have already signed it, please spread the word and share it with your friends and family. Many thanks!

To find out more about the Murphy Report, CLICK HERE

To see Chapter 20 of the Murphy Report in it's redacted form, CLICK HERE